So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
