I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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