Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
