You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
