I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
