i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
