I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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