That's intense
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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