You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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