You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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