dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
