Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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