Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
