I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
