I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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