if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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