Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
