im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
