in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
