At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
