I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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