I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
