Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
