I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its not stalking. its research.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
