I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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