Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
