I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
