How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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