a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
