We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
