He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
