Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
