I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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