I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
