You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
