I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
