Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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