I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
