youre lurking in front of me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
