it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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