Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Semen is not good for contacts.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
