I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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