a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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