since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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