I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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