I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
