first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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