As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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