is your mom at the bar?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
