it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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