small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
