remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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