So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
